Over the years, I've taught many different aspects of birth work. I've taught maternity care ethics, doula certification workshops, midwifery prep courses, parenting classes, gentle infant "sleep training", childbirth preparation and lactation education, support group facilitation, small business marketing and even helped form a few birthy co-ops along the way...
There's a lot to be said about the birth communities I've become acquainted with. The variety is astounding.
Some are catty and awful - like a corporate scene where everyone steps on the others in order to get to what they imagine is the "top" of the pile. Others are peaceful, encouraging, cooperative and truly sisterly. What is interesting is that all groups want to see birth practices change. They want to see improved outcomes. They all would stand up for women's rights. So how can they be so different in this thing we call a COMMUNITY...?
I think the main answer is where did they come from, and what's the undertone of the "oldies" in their area? Let me explain. If they are moms who come from a high-level corporate background, they are more likely to treat this new career with the same growth and glass ceiling mentality as their previous corporate America jobs. So back-biting and one-up-manship is the norm. Likewise, if the women who have been around a long time, doing birth-work in your city have a superiority complex or a corporation complex, you will see the younger, newer women taking on that same mentality.
Isn't it interesting that as women-servants - whether midwives, doulas, childbirth educators etc. - we are meant to be modeling love, acceptance, nonjudgmental attitudes, and most of all, self-sacrificing promotion of the best in others. We "oldies" who have been around a while should really be the best models of this since we have had more time to practice. :-)
So, how do we do it? Practically speaking, what does this kind of care model and commUNITY model look like?
First of all.....
1. Stop the gossip. Don't do it and don't listen to it, or you'll be tempted to share it. This is the number one problem, tearing apart birth communities today. People can smell a gossip a mile away. You're only spreading a stinky reputation about yourself.
2. If a client tells you something about a previous caregiver, GO to that person, and encourage your client to be honest with them as well, if appropriate. Don't text the other provider or email them, for heaven's sake. Set a time to sit down over lunch or coffee and tell them directly, what the client's concern was. How can we grow if we don't know where we failed? When you speak directly about an issue to another provider, it shows that you are committed to not gossiping and that develops trust. If you don't have the nerve to talk to them, you certainly should have the scruples to keep it to yourself.
3. Have a humble heart. Serving requires humility. Be willing to look at faults and mistakes and change. The last and least helpful thing you can be is defensive. It makes you look bad, too.
4. A BIG one - Stay out of other people's drama. Even your clients' - if you can help it. Don't expend your energy on anything that is not uplifting you, your family and others close to you. You don't want to be labeled a busy-body or a drama queen. (this also applies to sharing your drama with others who aren't in your tightest circle of family/friends - just don't do it!)
5. Commit to getting to know your fellow birth workers. Join or start a local birth collective group where the community can be built up. Working together helps immensely! Plan events, educational opportunities, and ways to promote each other as well as healthy birth.
6. Don't segregate. Midwives need to get to know doulas, doulas need to get to know childbirth educators, etc, etc. The birthing community is smaller than you think. You all need to know each other, learn about each others' strengths and offerings so you have resources to provide your clients and yourself as you seek to improve birth practices in your area.
There are lots more tips I could give, but the main thing to consider is how you view your fellow birth workers. Think long and hard about this. Is there someone specific in the community that you don't get along with? Don't fall off your chair now... You should bless her. Send her a card. Take her out for lunch. Invite her to an event you're going to.
It's possible. We are obligated to be models of love and acceptance. We should help create and then celebrate each others' successes and when we do, the birth community as a whole will be lifted up.
Looking forward to more UNITY in birth.
Anne
Doulas - San Antonio
http://www.sabirthcollective.com
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