Attention seeking storytellers

Think about the last five times you have had a conversation about birth with someone and if you can recall, did they (or you) tell a scary, dramatic or exciting birth-related story?

Now think about the average conversation you have with your mother or when you call a friend...   Do you usually tell them the dramatic, exciting things about your day first?

It seems natural to share the things that are out of the ordinary.  Why wouldn't you share something that includes a little flare in the telling?

Please think about the stories you tell.  Are they setting an expectation?  Are they uplifting or frightening?  We are used to it, in the news, on Facebook, etc.  It seems like everywhere we look, we see the highlight reel of horrific events.  We are almost programmed not only to see and hear and look for, but also to repeat the telling of scary things.  negative things.  dramatic things.

... and then to insert our own opinions and judge the person that the stories/events revolve around.

When it comes to birth, we can focus on, and tell the negative and rare events or we can tell the beautiful things that are not so rare.  the positive things that happen every day.  the uplifting, encouraging stories or triumph.  We should spread those things.

Imagine yourself now...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They remind you how one day, your hair was a mess and another time, you were late.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when your mother made a horrible dinner or when you got a speeding ticket.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was tolerable to spend that time with you, and that you didn't look your best.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and the one person on the planet who is supposed to love you unconditionally?

Now, imagine yourself...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They smile from ear to ear and tell you how beautiful you are.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when you've made fun memories and you dream together about your future.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was the best evening they have had in a long time, and that you are still their favorite person to spend time with.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and your relationship?
Big difference, right?

Ask yourself when was the last time you purposefully told a happy story to someone?
Ask yourself when was the last time you told a dramatic story?
Ask yourself who benefited from the telling?
Did you do it to get attention?  Did you receive the attention you were looking for?

I challenge you today.  If only for 1 day, can you be conscious of your story telling...?
I challenge you to the 1-day-positive-story-telling-commitment.
Let me know if you've done it.  And let me know your results.

Cheers to staying on the bright side! :)
Blessings,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com
http://www.maternitywise.com 

The Many Hats of a Postpartum Doula - Part 1

The many hats of a postpartum doula, part 1

Okay, now the labor is over. 

The easy part of child-rearing begins, right?

Oops! Did no one warn mom about her wacked-out sleep schedule or late night feedings? That dishes still aren’t cleaning themselves? That eggs still come unscrambled and bread still comes untoasted from the grocery store?

Being a new mom is a glorious time, but it comes with challenges. Having a trained, and CERTIFIED postpartum doula there those first days after birth can be a life saver for any new mom!  Not all postpartum doulas come with all these skills - so make sure yours is certified and not just "trained" which could mean anything.

A postpartum doula wears many hats as she assists mom and dad in those early days with baby.  Here are just a few of her "Hats":

1. Breastfeeding supporter. New to breastfeeding? Postpartum doulas are there for mom to assist her during those first stages of breastfeeding. It can be stressful or difficult to breastfeed at first, but mom’s doula will make the process more enjoyable. Difficulties will not faze an experienced doula who will lovingly guide mom and baby until they reach success.

2. Health coach. Is mom getting enough to eat and drink? Postpartum doulas make sure that the mother is having well-balanced meals and plenty of liquids to keep her energy up and health in prime condition. This in-turn will ensure baby has a well energized mommy to care for him or her.

3. Maid. Remember those dishes that are piling up in the sink and those eggs that can’t seem to scramble themselves? A postpartum doula will make sure that the kitchen gets cleaned up before the next morning. Mom will wake up smiling when she walks into the kitchen to find dishes done, countertops clean, and a hot breakfast on the table.  A postpartum doula can also do the other things that pile up, like laundry and basic nursery organization tasks.  You will wonder at how one little person can produce so much dirty laundry every 24 hours!

4. Chef.  Speaking of eggs that don't scramble themselves.  A new mom is a hungry mom.  Particularly if she's breastfeeding!  A postpartum doula will make sure mom has something to drink every time her baby feeds.  She will prepare snacks to keep mom nourished which helps with recovery as well as milk supply.

A postpartum doula wears these hats as well as many others! 

Stay tuned for Part 2! 

Emotional Vulnerability as a Doula

It's not easy being a doula. One aspect that might surprise you when you begin attending women, is the vulnerability you must allow within yourself when a mom NEEDS you in that way. 

Ever really held the gaze of someone suffering who is literally pulling the strength and hope they need from you - out of your eyes?!  You cannot look away in that moment. You just cannot, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. It may be a full length contraction from 1-2 minutes long. Yes. It happens. Have you held someone's gaze that long, while emitting love and approval, pride and concern within your eyes?

 Postnatal moms also at times will want you to hold them, nurture them, even cuddle them as they cry. It's part of mothering the mother. Can you be that open?  Can you be that emotionally available?  It's challenging. 

In order to do this, one must be very solid within themselves. They can't waiver. They can't back off. They must possess the kind of humble confidence and surity that isn't common in the regular population. 

Do you have what it takes?  In all honesty, not everyone does. It takes very special women to do right by this blessed role. 

You can't approach becoming a doula just thinking about what you will get out of it because it's not about that. It's far more about how much of yourself you will be giving to each and every client (and it's more than you think).

Only in that, the more you give and the deeper your commitment, will you gain anything as a doula. 

Peaceful birthy blessings,

Anne

Two of our amazing doulas, Natalie and Melody, at the 2014 Mama & Baby Expo!

Http://www.tranquilseasons.com 

What is a Postpartum Doula?

Postpartum Doulas

Tranquil Seasons provides postpartum mother-care, newborn-care and support to families with newborns, including multiples, preemies and special needs babies. This service goes above and beyond what is offered by Overnight Baby Nurses and Newborn Nannies.

Postpartum Doulas that work with Tranquil Seasons are highly trained, skilled professionals, with an ethics board and international certifying association behind them, which "newborn nannies" and "baby nurses" don't have.

We use an International Board Certification Body for all of our postpartum doula training and certification

Certified Postpartum Doulas assist the new mother and her family in:

     - breastfeeding support,
     - emotional support for mom,
     - Postpartum Depression/Anxiety care and recovery
     - Assistance w/Multiples, Preemies and Special Needs babies
     - newborn care and education,
     - comforting techniques, and teaching how to soothe a crying baby,
     - stimulating your baby's intelligence and learning abilities,
     - circumcision care and bathing,
     - feeding, burping, and holding techniques
     - household maintenance such as dishes, laundry, etc.
     - meal preparation
     - sibling care
     - overnight newborn care so parents can get the rest they need
     - preparing your home for baby & Going GREEN!

In-home support is vital to a new family’s success - whatever form it takes.  We make sure the mother is getting enough rest and eating well so she can produce enough breast milk to feed her newborn(s). If the mother is bottle feeding her baby, the doulas are trained in sterilization and in preparation of formula.

To learn more about this special kind of care for your family,
Please give us a call 210-548-8800
or visit our website:  http://www.tranquilseasons.com 

Am I Making Enough Milk?

Breastfeeding and the New Mom

Something I haven't mentioned that I also do for families is I support breastfeeding for many mothers, and as a postpartum doula client with us, you will receive free, ongoing breastfeeding support as part of our care. If you choose to bottle feed or formula feed, don't let that stop you from getting help.  We support all families, but we DO have the ability to help you through all phases of breastfeeding - should you decide that is how you want to nourish your little one.

This isn't the norm for doula care.  I've received special training and certification as a Lactation Support and Educator.  Not all doulas have this additional training, but many are still wonderful when it comes to the basics of breastfeeding support.

Like the mother I met with today, at times, you might also find yourself wondering if you are making enough milk. Babies go through growth spurts that can trick us into thinking we aren't producing enough because they are gobbling it all up and wanting more - which is good, because in the end, it will increase your supply.

Think:  More Demand => More Supply. 

 

So today, I was visiting a lovely mama who is adjusting to life with her new baby.  She asked me to visit because she was concerned about her supply.  I offered to bring my newborn scale so that we could do a little experiment... 

 

We were able to weigh the baby after waking and a diaper change (9 pounds, 3 ounces), then she fed from both breasts for a total of 25 minutes (he was efficient, relaxed and happy when he was done).  Then we weighed him again (9 pounds, 6 ounces). 

 

Low and behold! Even though he had been eating like a crazy little monster and acting like he wasn't getting much, he was actually eating 3 ounces total from both breasts - which is a lot for a newborn of his age (3 weeks)!! 

 

He has also grown over a pound since I last saw him, we discovered. So that answers a lot of questions for that mom, and reassures her that she is doing everything right and he is just growing super fast and that her breasts WILL catch up to his demand for more milk. :)

 

My #1 piece of advice for new moms who are experiencing what feels like a set-back in their breastfeeding relationship, is to seek out qualified help.  Do you have a breastfeeding consultant who can come to your house?  Those are the best.  We have support available, and if a situation goes above and beyond our expertise, we have resources in the community that we are happy to direct you to, in order to get your needs and the needs of your baby met, in a timely, professional manner.

 

Keep checking back, because soon, I will be posting another segment on how to make your best milk.  Quantity AND Quality.  :)

 

For now, keep loving those babies, mamas!

Anne

 

Postpartum doulas and lactation support in San Antonio

 

 

 

Simple Summary of Our Care

So, you've probably read a lot about doulas by now...
Not all doulas are the same.  Tranquil Seasons Doulas have specific, ongoing training in several modalities.

What is a good, simple summary of our care?

During Childbirth…

During labor and delivery, we support you at all times with emotional, informational and physical care.  We provide you with education and resources before and during your childbirth experience to help you stay comfortable and to relieve anxiety.  We provide non-pharmacological pain relief including massage, and maternal/fetal positioning to help keep you relaxed and to allow the baby to descend quickly, easily, safely.  We never take the place of your partner.  In fact we encourage participation and offer reassurance and guidance so that this experience is positive for both parents!

After Childbirth…

After birth, Postpartum Doulas help with breastfeeding, infant care, and understanding newborn feeding and sleep habits.  The calm, loving, gentle presence of a doula alleviates stress and helps mothers recover from birth

 in a positive, healthy way.  This assists in preventing or recovering from Postpartum Depression and Anxiety as well as Post-Traumatic Stress - which some mothers and babies experience after a difficult birth.

To speak with Doulas in San Antonio:
www.TranquilSeasons.com
210-548-8800

Birth CommUNITY - Can we all just get along?! :)

Over the years, I've taught many different aspects of birth work.  I've taught maternity care ethics, doula certification workshops, midwifery prep courses, parenting classes, gentle infant "sleep training", childbirth preparation and lactation education, support group facilitation, small business marketing and even helped form a few birthy co-ops along the way... 

There's a lot to be said about the birth communities I've become acquainted with.  The variety is astounding.

Some are catty and awful - like a corporate scene where everyone steps on the others in order to get to what they imagine is the "top" of the pile.  Others are peaceful, encouraging, cooperative and truly sisterly.  What is interesting is that all groups want to see birth practices change.  They want to see improved outcomes.  They all would stand up for women's rights.  So how can they be so different in this thing we call a COMMUNITY...?

I think the main answer is where did they come from, and what's the undertone of the "oldies" in their area?  Let me explain.  If they are moms who come from a high-level corporate background, they are more likely to treat this new career with the same growth and glass ceiling mentality as their previous corporate America jobs.  So back-biting and one-up-manship is the norm.  Likewise, if the women who have been around a long time, doing birth-work in your city have a superiority complex or a corporation complex, you will see the younger, newer women taking on that same mentality.

Isn't it interesting that as women-servants - whether midwives, doulas, childbirth educators etc. - we are meant to be modeling love, acceptance, nonjudgmental attitudes, and most of all, self-sacrificing promotion of the best in others.  We "oldies" who have been around a while should really be the best models of this since we have had more time to practice.  :-)

So, how do we do it?  Practically speaking, what does this kind of care model and commUNITY model look like?

First of all.....
1. Stop the gossip.  Don't do it and don't listen to it, or you'll be tempted to share it.  This is the number one problem, tearing apart birth communities today.  People can smell a gossip a mile away.  You're only spreading a stinky reputation about yourself.

2. If a client tells you something about a previous caregiver, GO to that person, and encourage your client to be honest with them as well, if appropriate.  Don't text the other provider or email them, for heaven's sake.  Set a time to sit down over lunch or coffee and tell them directly, what the client's concern was.  How can we grow if we don't know where we failed?  When you speak directly about an issue to another provider, it shows that you are committed to not gossiping and that develops trust.  If you don't have the nerve to talk to them, you certainly should have the scruples to keep it to yourself.

3. Have a humble heart.  Serving requires humility.  Be willing to look at faults and mistakes and change.  The last and least helpful thing you can be is defensive.  It makes you look bad, too.

4. A BIG one - Stay out of other people's drama.  Even your clients' - if you can help it.  Don't expend your energy on anything that is not uplifting you, your family and others close to you.  You don't want to be labeled a busy-body or a drama queen. (this also applies to sharing your drama with others who aren't in your tightest circle of family/friends - just don't do it!)

5. Commit to getting to know your fellow birth workers.  Join or start a local birth collective group where the community can be built up.  Working together helps immensely!  Plan events, educational opportunities, and ways to promote each other as well as healthy birth.

6. Don't segregate.  Midwives need to get to know doulas, doulas need to get to know childbirth educators, etc, etc.  The birthing community is smaller than you think.  You all need to know each other, learn about each others' strengths and offerings so you have resources to provide your clients and yourself as you seek to improve birth practices in your area.

There are lots more tips I could give, but the main thing to consider is how you view your fellow birth workers.  Think long and hard about this.  Is there someone specific in the community that you don't get along with?  Don't fall off your chair now... You should bless her.  Send her a card.  Take her out for lunch.  Invite her to an event you're going to.

It's possible.  We are obligated to be models of love and acceptance.  We should help create and then celebrate each others' successes and when we do, the birth community as a whole will be lifted up.

Looking forward to more UNITY in birth.
Anne

Doulas - San Antonio
http://www.sabirthcollective.com

Kissy Faces

Kissy Faces

Seriously, who wouldn't want to spend time with adorable little faces like this?  When my little ones were still nurslings, I relished every moment of quiet face-making and knew the entire time that we were having real communication.

I remember a time when my little Rosebud was learning to breastfeed and she looked up at me with milk dripping down her cheek and a big open mouthed, toothless grin.  She was a few days old. 

Now, surely we've all heard that this is not real communication.  As a mother, and as a doula, I've heard everything from uncontrollable reflexes, to gas and everything in between.  There is no doubt in my mind that, that day my now-seven-year-old, smiley, outgoing girl was sharing with me her internal happiness.

The people who say this is not real communication are the same people that say babies cannot feel pain.  It's silly.  It's not logical and in fact, it's just unprovable.  Sadly, it reminds me of practitioners who give no anesthesia before cutting a boy's foreskin off.  It's the same ill-logic.  If a baby winces in pain, we know by the sound and facial expression.  How else do we interpret it?  Why should we disregard happy expressions?  Rather, how beautiful when we begin to see our babies for the small people they are!

We don't ignore older children or adults.  We should not ignore our newborns' amazing (albeit limited) ability to communicate as they experience life, process information and learn, learn, learn from us!  Take away language and we can all communicate with each other in the simplest of terms - namely facial expressions.   I think it's a scary beginning and a very frightening life, to have your every need (physical and emotional, too) depending on someone who sees you as not a real person or fully human. 

I just have to say...  I don't do well when left to cry.  I sometimes need to eat before dinner is served.  And occassionally I need to sleep in, in the morning and nap in the middle of the day.  I'm so thankful no one deprives me of what I need - emotional or physical.

Next time you're with a little baby, the newer the better...  Look into their eyes and listen to what they tell you.  It can stir your soul and you might just understand those kissy faces have meaning after all.