Attention seeking storytellers

Think about the last five times you have had a conversation about birth with someone and if you can recall, did they (or you) tell a scary, dramatic or exciting birth-related story?

Now think about the average conversation you have with your mother or when you call a friend...   Do you usually tell them the dramatic, exciting things about your day first?

It seems natural to share the things that are out of the ordinary.  Why wouldn't you share something that includes a little flare in the telling?

Please think about the stories you tell.  Are they setting an expectation?  Are they uplifting or frightening?  We are used to it, in the news, on Facebook, etc.  It seems like everywhere we look, we see the highlight reel of horrific events.  We are almost programmed not only to see and hear and look for, but also to repeat the telling of scary things.  negative things.  dramatic things.

... and then to insert our own opinions and judge the person that the stories/events revolve around.

When it comes to birth, we can focus on, and tell the negative and rare events or we can tell the beautiful things that are not so rare.  the positive things that happen every day.  the uplifting, encouraging stories or triumph.  We should spread those things.

Imagine yourself now...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They remind you how one day, your hair was a mess and another time, you were late.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when your mother made a horrible dinner or when you got a speeding ticket.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was tolerable to spend that time with you, and that you didn't look your best.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and the one person on the planet who is supposed to love you unconditionally?

Now, imagine yourself...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They smile from ear to ear and tell you how beautiful you are.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when you've made fun memories and you dream together about your future.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was the best evening they have had in a long time, and that you are still their favorite person to spend time with.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and your relationship?
Big difference, right?

Ask yourself when was the last time you purposefully told a happy story to someone?
Ask yourself when was the last time you told a dramatic story?
Ask yourself who benefited from the telling?
Did you do it to get attention?  Did you receive the attention you were looking for?

I challenge you today.  If only for 1 day, can you be conscious of your story telling...?
I challenge you to the 1-day-positive-story-telling-commitment.
Let me know if you've done it.  And let me know your results.

Cheers to staying on the bright side! :)
Blessings,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com
http://www.maternitywise.com 

Nurses Hotline? No.

So often, postpartum doulas get confused with "baby nurses"
but they are not the same!  And it reminds me that parents often don't know the difference between real baby nurses (like the RN kind who work with doctors) or the babysitter kind who are not necessarily trained in anything...

Postpartum doulas are trained (and our San Antonio Doulas are not just trained, but also certified by MaternityWise International) in supporting the mother and helping her to care for her baby without completely doing it for her.  We are often called baby nurses because people don't know the term "postpartum doula".  And they also often don't know the difference.

A baby nurse traditionally (the non-medical kind) will take care of your baby for you like a nanny or grandmother.  Years ago, she was also considered a nurse because she literally nursed the baby - yes breastfed it.  This was common among affluent families and especially in the south.  Don't be squeamish.  Get over it.  It happened.  And for mothers who truly didn't make enough milk, it was a godsend.

These baby nurses usually had experience with babies children, and took over the mothering duties to allow the mother more freedom to live a less motherly life.  Remember Peter Pan?  The dog was the "nurse".  Many children's stories have a nanny who is referred to as the "nurse".  Again, don't be offended.  It happened.  And it still happens.  If you don't want to be one of those mothers, it is OK!  You can get an extra hand and get some more sleep without giving up your mother-ness.

MaternityWise Certified Postpartum Doulas are trained in helping to empower the mother who wants to be THE mother.  :)  We can help troubleshoot breastfeeding issues and assist with mom's nutritional needs.  We can give advice on everything baby related including gassy, fussy colicky babies, burping, diaper rash, food sensitivities, gentle sleep training assistance, etc.  Meanwhile we can also help with more practical matters such as laundry and dishes, and meal prep as well as errands - so that your world can revolve around your baby!!  (as it should)

Now, to clear up a few things.... 

We at Tranquil Seasons Doulas in San Antonio, come into your home, listen to you as the mother.  We ask questions and get to know you and your baby and your preference in the way of doing things.  At some point, we may have tips to tweak your routine, and you might ask us loads of questions and want all of our advice, but we never "walk in and take over".  A number of the services in our city do just that, and parents come to us, worried that we will do the same.  They don't want a less expensive, less qualified service, if it means having a stranger come in to tell them how to rearrange their lives.  Neither would I.

I was speaking to a mother recently, who is expecting twins.  She said something very wise.  She knows that there is no way to really plan for or know in advance exactly the way things will go with the twins, but she wants to learn and she wants to have the freedom to make mistakes.  I thought that to be one of the most healthy and mature perspectives on early parenting that a mother could have.  It is going to be a real pleasure to walk that journey alongside her, assisting, supporting, never judging or "bossing", but having her back, reassuring and helping her learn about her babies at her own pace.

One more clarification...

We are NOT a baby nurse hotline - as in the medical kind.
I've had several calls in the middle of the night recently with parents I've never met asking whether or not they should take their baby into the emergency room.  I could hear the concern and the anxiety in their voices, but this is not something I can help with.  They were not my clients, I did not know them or their baby.  I had no prior history or experience with them.  Unfortunately, I could not give them the listening ear they wanted.  If their baby was exhibiting symptoms that concerned them, I explained, they needed to contact their pediatrician's office.

While I might be able to explain what normal is for my clients, it will always be in their hands to make the decision to seek medical treatment or not.  As a doula, my job is to educate, but not to make a parent feel pressured to make a choice in any direction.  That is not my decision, because it is not my baby.

That probably sums it up.  We are not the parents.  We are the assistants.  The servants.
The Doulas.
And you'll be glad we limit our care to the Scope of Practice in which we do.
Because we know our place, our role, we do it well and the benefits you'll receive are immeasurable.

If you need help getting sleep, or caring for your newborn, and you want advice that could make your life easier in this sometimes rocky transition, please visit our website or give us a call.

Many Blessings,
Anne Croudace
CLD, CPD, CLDT, CPDT, CLSE
Tranquil Seasons Doulas in San Antonio, TX
210-548-8800