Attention seeking storytellers

Think about the last five times you have had a conversation about birth with someone and if you can recall, did they (or you) tell a scary, dramatic or exciting birth-related story?

Now think about the average conversation you have with your mother or when you call a friend...   Do you usually tell them the dramatic, exciting things about your day first?

It seems natural to share the things that are out of the ordinary.  Why wouldn't you share something that includes a little flare in the telling?

Please think about the stories you tell.  Are they setting an expectation?  Are they uplifting or frightening?  We are used to it, in the news, on Facebook, etc.  It seems like everywhere we look, we see the highlight reel of horrific events.  We are almost programmed not only to see and hear and look for, but also to repeat the telling of scary things.  negative things.  dramatic things.

... and then to insert our own opinions and judge the person that the stories/events revolve around.

When it comes to birth, we can focus on, and tell the negative and rare events or we can tell the beautiful things that are not so rare.  the positive things that happen every day.  the uplifting, encouraging stories or triumph.  We should spread those things.

Imagine yourself now...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They remind you how one day, your hair was a mess and another time, you were late.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when your mother made a horrible dinner or when you got a speeding ticket.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was tolerable to spend that time with you, and that you didn't look your best.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and the one person on the planet who is supposed to love you unconditionally?

Now, imagine yourself...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They smile from ear to ear and tell you how beautiful you are.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when you've made fun memories and you dream together about your future.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was the best evening they have had in a long time, and that you are still their favorite person to spend time with.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and your relationship?
Big difference, right?

Ask yourself when was the last time you purposefully told a happy story to someone?
Ask yourself when was the last time you told a dramatic story?
Ask yourself who benefited from the telling?
Did you do it to get attention?  Did you receive the attention you were looking for?

I challenge you today.  If only for 1 day, can you be conscious of your story telling...?
I challenge you to the 1-day-positive-story-telling-commitment.
Let me know if you've done it.  And let me know your results.

Cheers to staying on the bright side! :)
Blessings,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com
http://www.maternitywise.com 

Giving Birth Again

You gave birth.  It didn't go the way you expected, the way you planned, the way you wanted...

Now you find yourself pregnant again and you're a little scared.  Maybe you're really, really scared.
What can you do to make sure that things go better this time?
Did you stuff the trauma you experienced deep down, not realizing it would surface (ever)?
Now you've got a toddler, and your pregnant and there's a lot of emotional work you need to do, but really don't have time or energy for it.  You're not that mom.  You want better and you will find a way.
 Why? 
Because your birth experience isn't just for you - it's your baby's only birthday.

One of my kids told me (you may have heard it somewhere too) that if you repeat the same thing over and over, you will get the same result over and over.

The same goes for birth:
If you were uneducated last time, get educated.
If you were out of shape last time, get in shape.
If you ate a lot of junk last time, get healthier food.
If you were hurt emotionally, physically, mentally last time, get healed.

So you get the idea.  You agree.  
Where do you start?

1. You must swear off the drama.  Don't fall into the drama-trap.  Birth is not a crisis.  You are not sick.  When you look at this process truthfully, you will find that there is no reason for fear and drama, and that will only make you vulnerable to deception.
2. Next, I would sit down with a cup of raspberry leaf tea and a lovely book that will encourage you while educating you: "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin (a birthy, hippy hero of mine)  In this book you will find healthy, happy, normal birth stories.  Read it!
3. Get shopping for a doula.  Find one who has excellent training, current certification credentials, and lots of experience.  Don't settle for the lowest price.  This is your baby's birth.  If you want care that will change your experience for the better, don't be a cheapskate.
4. Start eating right and exercising immediately.  Drinking lots of fluids and eating loads of protein every day is of utmost importance.  Those are your top priority.  Your prenatal vitamin cannot make up for a poor diet.

If you have issues still rising in your mind about your previous birth(s), please talk to someone about it.  Residual anxiety can have a heavy impact on how your next labor will go.  One way to work through those feelings is to use your 5 senses.  Explore each sense and ask yourself questions about it.  Often when we experience trauma we don't always store it with words.  Sometimes we store memories of them in the form of sensations.  Those sensations need to be tapped into and cleared away - you don't want them to pop up and surprise you when you're in labor!

If you're in the San Antonio area, consider taking a class to help you prepare.  Tranquil Seasons offers classes monthly on a variety of topics.  Check out the list and see if any draw you.
You can find the list on the website: Doulas and Childbirth Education in San Antonio

If you're not in San Antonio, I can get you into our private, online birth mentoring program.
Just ask me!
210-548-8800

Blessings,
Anne Croudace

Emotional Vulnerability as a Doula

It's not easy being a doula. One aspect that might surprise you when you begin attending women, is the vulnerability you must allow within yourself when a mom NEEDS you in that way. 

Ever really held the gaze of someone suffering who is literally pulling the strength and hope they need from you - out of your eyes?!  You cannot look away in that moment. You just cannot, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. It may be a full length contraction from 1-2 minutes long. Yes. It happens. Have you held someone's gaze that long, while emitting love and approval, pride and concern within your eyes?

 Postnatal moms also at times will want you to hold them, nurture them, even cuddle them as they cry. It's part of mothering the mother. Can you be that open?  Can you be that emotionally available?  It's challenging. 

In order to do this, one must be very solid within themselves. They can't waiver. They can't back off. They must possess the kind of humble confidence and surity that isn't common in the regular population. 

Do you have what it takes?  In all honesty, not everyone does. It takes very special women to do right by this blessed role. 

You can't approach becoming a doula just thinking about what you will get out of it because it's not about that. It's far more about how much of yourself you will be giving to each and every client (and it's more than you think).

Only in that, the more you give and the deeper your commitment, will you gain anything as a doula. 

Peaceful birthy blessings,

Anne

Two of our amazing doulas, Natalie and Melody, at the 2014 Mama & Baby Expo!

Http://www.tranquilseasons.com