Attention seeking storytellers

Think about the last five times you have had a conversation about birth with someone and if you can recall, did they (or you) tell a scary, dramatic or exciting birth-related story?

Now think about the average conversation you have with your mother or when you call a friend...   Do you usually tell them the dramatic, exciting things about your day first?

It seems natural to share the things that are out of the ordinary.  Why wouldn't you share something that includes a little flare in the telling?

Please think about the stories you tell.  Are they setting an expectation?  Are they uplifting or frightening?  We are used to it, in the news, on Facebook, etc.  It seems like everywhere we look, we see the highlight reel of horrific events.  We are almost programmed not only to see and hear and look for, but also to repeat the telling of scary things.  negative things.  dramatic things.

... and then to insert our own opinions and judge the person that the stories/events revolve around.

When it comes to birth, we can focus on, and tell the negative and rare events or we can tell the beautiful things that are not so rare.  the positive things that happen every day.  the uplifting, encouraging stories or triumph.  We should spread those things.

Imagine yourself now...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They remind you how one day, your hair was a mess and another time, you were late.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when your mother made a horrible dinner or when you got a speeding ticket.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was tolerable to spend that time with you, and that you didn't look your best.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and the one person on the planet who is supposed to love you unconditionally?

Now, imagine yourself...  You're getting ready for a big date with your significant other.  They see you as you walk out, ready to go and on time.  They smile from ear to ear and tell you how beautiful you are.  During the date, they reminisce on times in the past when you've made fun memories and you dream together about your future.  At the end of the date, they tell you it was the best evening they have had in a long time, and that you are still their favorite person to spend time with.

How would you feel about yourself, your time, and your relationship?
Big difference, right?

Ask yourself when was the last time you purposefully told a happy story to someone?
Ask yourself when was the last time you told a dramatic story?
Ask yourself who benefited from the telling?
Did you do it to get attention?  Did you receive the attention you were looking for?

I challenge you today.  If only for 1 day, can you be conscious of your story telling...?
I challenge you to the 1-day-positive-story-telling-commitment.
Let me know if you've done it.  And let me know your results.

Cheers to staying on the bright side! :)
Blessings,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com
http://www.maternitywise.com 

Giving Birth Again

You gave birth.  It didn't go the way you expected, the way you planned, the way you wanted...

Now you find yourself pregnant again and you're a little scared.  Maybe you're really, really scared.
What can you do to make sure that things go better this time?
Did you stuff the trauma you experienced deep down, not realizing it would surface (ever)?
Now you've got a toddler, and your pregnant and there's a lot of emotional work you need to do, but really don't have time or energy for it.  You're not that mom.  You want better and you will find a way.
 Why? 
Because your birth experience isn't just for you - it's your baby's only birthday.

One of my kids told me (you may have heard it somewhere too) that if you repeat the same thing over and over, you will get the same result over and over.

The same goes for birth:
If you were uneducated last time, get educated.
If you were out of shape last time, get in shape.
If you ate a lot of junk last time, get healthier food.
If you were hurt emotionally, physically, mentally last time, get healed.

So you get the idea.  You agree.  
Where do you start?

1. You must swear off the drama.  Don't fall into the drama-trap.  Birth is not a crisis.  You are not sick.  When you look at this process truthfully, you will find that there is no reason for fear and drama, and that will only make you vulnerable to deception.
2. Next, I would sit down with a cup of raspberry leaf tea and a lovely book that will encourage you while educating you: "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin (a birthy, hippy hero of mine)  In this book you will find healthy, happy, normal birth stories.  Read it!
3. Get shopping for a doula.  Find one who has excellent training, current certification credentials, and lots of experience.  Don't settle for the lowest price.  This is your baby's birth.  If you want care that will change your experience for the better, don't be a cheapskate.
4. Start eating right and exercising immediately.  Drinking lots of fluids and eating loads of protein every day is of utmost importance.  Those are your top priority.  Your prenatal vitamin cannot make up for a poor diet.

If you have issues still rising in your mind about your previous birth(s), please talk to someone about it.  Residual anxiety can have a heavy impact on how your next labor will go.  One way to work through those feelings is to use your 5 senses.  Explore each sense and ask yourself questions about it.  Often when we experience trauma we don't always store it with words.  Sometimes we store memories of them in the form of sensations.  Those sensations need to be tapped into and cleared away - you don't want them to pop up and surprise you when you're in labor!

If you're in the San Antonio area, consider taking a class to help you prepare.  Tranquil Seasons offers classes monthly on a variety of topics.  Check out the list and see if any draw you.
You can find the list on the website: Doulas and Childbirth Education in San Antonio

If you're not in San Antonio, I can get you into our private, online birth mentoring program.
Just ask me!
210-548-8800

Blessings,
Anne Croudace

Mommy Guilt

Dear Mothers,

You are not bad, defunct, broken, ignorant or unnecessary!

You are good, selfless, strong, intuitive, gentle and NEEDED!

I wish I could write a letter to all expecting mothers.  A letter they would read, and believe, and base their self-worth on.  If only all mothers knew how important they are.  If only they grasped their innate wisdom and trusted themselves more than the forums on the most frequented websites.  If only they really stood in their strength and walked tall in their ability.

Imagine what a beautiful, cheered up, gentle-ways world we would live in, if mothers were given their power back...

I found this fun and inspiring website and it reminded me about the common phenomena of "Mommy Guilt"  Please check out her article: http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/?body= http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/

and share with your mommy friends who need to be empowered and encouraged.  :)

Use this icon above for your Facebook profile image, to show your support for all the birthing mamas out there who need to know birth DOES matter and they are not crazy for wanting the best experience possible for their little ones and themselves.

Start the new year out with a promise to yourself, to make a change.

Love,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com 
http://www.maternitywise.com

The Many Hats of a Postpartum Doula - Part 2

 Part 2

So just what does a postpartum doula do? 

Remember, not all doulas are made alike.  Since doulas are an unregulated occupation, many women call themselves doulas without any doula training or certification.  Find someone who is not only a Certified doula, but also has references to help you be assured she's got the skills and integrity your families needs to rely on during this vulnerable, and blissful time in your life.

In addition to what we already mentioned in part 1, a postpartum doula’s hats can also include:

4. Peer to Peer Counselor. Is mom feeling stressed, anxious, depressed, or just simply overwhelmed with her new role? Mom’s postpartum doula is there to guide her through this time of transition. Giving birth is a huge feat to accomplish! Recovering not just in physical but emotional ways is crucial for any mother. Her postpartum doula is there to counsel her through this time.

5. Personal Assistant. With dad heading back to work and mom still transitioning, wouldn’t it be nice if someone else could go get the milk? A postpartum doula is more than happy to run errands for mom and dad including grocery shopping, picking up baby items, and more.

6. Newborn Nanny. Another dirty diaper? Postpartum doulas can assist with feedings and diaper changes. This is especially wonderful at night so that mom and dad can catch up on much-needed sleep. No need to wake -- baby will be taken care of by the loving arms of the postpartum doula.

The ultimate goal of any postpartum doula is to be a professional mother. No, not a mother to the baby, but a mother to the new mother.  She is there to support, guide, nurture, and love mom as she travels this sacred journey. Even seasoned mothers can gain from the experience and assistance of a postpartum doula as the family transitions into life with a new baby.

Would your family benefit from a postpartum doula? 
Contact Tranquil Seasons where we will gladly serve you and your family’s needs during this exciting time! 

Call 210-548-8800 
www.tranquilseasons.com 
or email annecwj@gmail.com for a consultation.

Pregnancy and Birth are Normal Functions of the Female Body

Pregnancy and birth is a normal physiological function of the female body.  In general, the female body is as capable of pregnancy and birth as it is breathing, digesting food or passing urine.  It is logical to assume that interference is not necessary unless and until a problem presents itself, and not unless or until there is evidence that the body’s self-correcting restorative capabilities are not meeting the need of the problem.

It is also very important to remember that the variety and ability of the female body to conceive, carry and birth a baby constitute a large range of “normal”.  For example: Just because one woman labors best in a certain position does not mean that all women labor best in that position.  That “best” position may not suit the same woman in subsequent labors, either.  The ways in which they can “get the job done” is as varied as the women themselves and the babies they carry. 

Everything in a woman’s life changes when she gets pregnant.  Her body’s changes are the most prominent because we can look at her and it's right there.  However, change is also present in the way she sees and thinks about herself and the world around her - as well as the way the world sees and thinks about her.  The mothering instinct is quite strong and predominant in some, while it is more subdued or delayed in others.  

No matter what the mother thought or felt about herself before, she will now envision herself with another person in her life depending on every breath and calorie - unlike any relationship before it.  That transition will manifest in beautiful ways when she is supported properly during pregnancy, labor, birth and the postpartum period.  But hey, you already knew that!   Congratulations!

Have you ever considered becoming a doula?  Are you good at smoothing things over and keeping things calm when others around you are freaking out?  You might be a doula on the inside.  :) 

Our job as normalizing anchors…

We as doulas are meant to be a sounding board for mothers.  They will usually tell us how they are feeling, in detail.  We are so lucky to get a glimpse into the intimate part of a woman’s journey, whether this is her first or 10^th pregnancy.  

It is always our responsibility to have an accepting, nurturing attitude toward the mother.  I call it “putting on love” toward her.  As we do this, we can help to normalize things she is concerned about or may cause alarm in others when truly it’s not a crisis.  She needs someone to be sturdy, and someone she can count on to provide her with reassurance.  

Tell her all you know, while focusing on the positive, and being realistic about the negative – that women have been growing babies and giving birth for eons, and she’s not broken or strange.  One thing I say is to look around, the world has been peopled!  

You’re not the first, and you probably won’t be the last to experience ____________.

Doulas are not all the same, but a well-trained, professional doula who has the integrity of being certified is going to have the skills to nurture and keep you calm when labor gets difficult, and all the times before that too.  

Be picky about who you choose, and remember...  Experience (in years and number of families served) is valuable and it's is worth paying for.

May your birth be blessed with peace and rest.

Anne Croudace