Giving Birth Again

You gave birth.  It didn't go the way you expected, the way you planned, the way you wanted...

Now you find yourself pregnant again and you're a little scared.  Maybe you're really, really scared.
What can you do to make sure that things go better this time?
Did you stuff the trauma you experienced deep down, not realizing it would surface (ever)?
Now you've got a toddler, and your pregnant and there's a lot of emotional work you need to do, but really don't have time or energy for it.  You're not that mom.  You want better and you will find a way.
 Why? 
Because your birth experience isn't just for you - it's your baby's only birthday.

One of my kids told me (you may have heard it somewhere too) that if you repeat the same thing over and over, you will get the same result over and over.

The same goes for birth:
If you were uneducated last time, get educated.
If you were out of shape last time, get in shape.
If you ate a lot of junk last time, get healthier food.
If you were hurt emotionally, physically, mentally last time, get healed.

So you get the idea.  You agree.  
Where do you start?

1. You must swear off the drama.  Don't fall into the drama-trap.  Birth is not a crisis.  You are not sick.  When you look at this process truthfully, you will find that there is no reason for fear and drama, and that will only make you vulnerable to deception.
2. Next, I would sit down with a cup of raspberry leaf tea and a lovely book that will encourage you while educating you: "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin (a birthy, hippy hero of mine)  In this book you will find healthy, happy, normal birth stories.  Read it!
3. Get shopping for a doula.  Find one who has excellent training, current certification credentials, and lots of experience.  Don't settle for the lowest price.  This is your baby's birth.  If you want care that will change your experience for the better, don't be a cheapskate.
4. Start eating right and exercising immediately.  Drinking lots of fluids and eating loads of protein every day is of utmost importance.  Those are your top priority.  Your prenatal vitamin cannot make up for a poor diet.

If you have issues still rising in your mind about your previous birth(s), please talk to someone about it.  Residual anxiety can have a heavy impact on how your next labor will go.  One way to work through those feelings is to use your 5 senses.  Explore each sense and ask yourself questions about it.  Often when we experience trauma we don't always store it with words.  Sometimes we store memories of them in the form of sensations.  Those sensations need to be tapped into and cleared away - you don't want them to pop up and surprise you when you're in labor!

If you're in the San Antonio area, consider taking a class to help you prepare.  Tranquil Seasons offers classes monthly on a variety of topics.  Check out the list and see if any draw you.
You can find the list on the website: Doulas and Childbirth Education in San Antonio

If you're not in San Antonio, I can get you into our private, online birth mentoring program.
Just ask me!
210-548-8800

Blessings,
Anne Croudace

How to Become a Doula - Step 1.

Women naturally want to support one another in pregnancy, birth and during the postpartum phase.  Still, with our Western, disconnected, non-communal mindset, we have a hard time figuring out how to get involved without being too involved or helping enough without appearing obnoxious.  haha

I get asked all the time, "Where do I start?"

Well, get some training.  that is step 1.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of women out there who put the badge on their chest of "I am a DOULA" but they really don't understand or know how to serve.  What they want to be is an advisor, a consultant.  And that is very needed!  It's OK!!  It really is!  

However, moms need nonjudgemental, unconditional love first, practical service helps next, and our gentle, guiding knowledge (read: advice) last.  So if you've got a lot of wisdom to share, good!  It's needed!!!  Still, navigating the emotions and perceptions of a tender, vulnerable mother is something that MOST of us need a little guidance on, ourselves.  

Where can you find the best doula training?  Simple.  There are a lot of organizations out there providing trainings.  You'll want to make sure the training you receive is of the top-tier quality though.  It's integral to the success of your business and the impact (positive or negative) that you will have on the mothers you come into contact with.  Imagine what the family would say about you, when you're gone, if you've unintentionally made the mother feel badly about something, or you gave advice and it backfired.  What if you gave advice and the baby or mothers'  health suffered for it...?  It happens.  

You'll earn a bad reputation and you will have spent money to get trained, and have wasted it.

You don't want that to happen to you!  Get trained AND finish your certification!  Parents are getting wise to ask if you're just "trained" or attended a workshop, or if you're actually CERTIFIED.  They know the difference and it matters.

The next thing you want to know about your training organization is if they will help you create and grow your business.  Will they help you become successful?  We will discuss building and growing a doula business next week.  :)

Follow this blog (click on the right) and you'll receive the next posts in this series right to your email.

If you're interested in knowing about my experience with training under several different organizations over the years, give me a call.  I will be happy to tell you what I found to be pros and cons of each organization, as well as the organization I found a home with.  :)

Have a great week!

Anne Croudace, CLD, CPD, CLDT, CPDT, CLSE

952-457-6506

Mommy Guilt

Dear Mothers,

You are not bad, defunct, broken, ignorant or unnecessary!

You are good, selfless, strong, intuitive, gentle and NEEDED!

I wish I could write a letter to all expecting mothers.  A letter they would read, and believe, and base their self-worth on.  If only all mothers knew how important they are.  If only they grasped their innate wisdom and trusted themselves more than the forums on the most frequented websites.  If only they really stood in their strength and walked tall in their ability.

Imagine what a beautiful, cheered up, gentle-ways world we would live in, if mothers were given their power back...

I found this fun and inspiring website and it reminded me about the common phenomena of "Mommy Guilt"  Please check out her article: http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/?body= http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/

and share with your mommy friends who need to be empowered and encouraged.  :)

Use this icon above for your Facebook profile image, to show your support for all the birthing mamas out there who need to know birth DOES matter and they are not crazy for wanting the best experience possible for their little ones and themselves.

Start the new year out with a promise to yourself, to make a change.

Love,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com 
http://www.maternitywise.com

Emotional Vulnerability as a Doula

It's not easy being a doula. One aspect that might surprise you when you begin attending women, is the vulnerability you must allow within yourself when a mom NEEDS you in that way. 

Ever really held the gaze of someone suffering who is literally pulling the strength and hope they need from you - out of your eyes?!  You cannot look away in that moment. You just cannot, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. It may be a full length contraction from 1-2 minutes long. Yes. It happens. Have you held someone's gaze that long, while emitting love and approval, pride and concern within your eyes?

 Postnatal moms also at times will want you to hold them, nurture them, even cuddle them as they cry. It's part of mothering the mother. Can you be that open?  Can you be that emotionally available?  It's challenging. 

In order to do this, one must be very solid within themselves. They can't waiver. They can't back off. They must possess the kind of humble confidence and surity that isn't common in the regular population. 

Do you have what it takes?  In all honesty, not everyone does. It takes very special women to do right by this blessed role. 

You can't approach becoming a doula just thinking about what you will get out of it because it's not about that. It's far more about how much of yourself you will be giving to each and every client (and it's more than you think).

Only in that, the more you give and the deeper your commitment, will you gain anything as a doula. 

Peaceful birthy blessings,

Anne

Two of our amazing doulas, Natalie and Melody, at the 2014 Mama & Baby Expo!

Http://www.tranquilseasons.com