Giving Birth Again

You gave birth.  It didn't go the way you expected, the way you planned, the way you wanted...

Now you find yourself pregnant again and you're a little scared.  Maybe you're really, really scared.
What can you do to make sure that things go better this time?
Did you stuff the trauma you experienced deep down, not realizing it would surface (ever)?
Now you've got a toddler, and your pregnant and there's a lot of emotional work you need to do, but really don't have time or energy for it.  You're not that mom.  You want better and you will find a way.
 Why? 
Because your birth experience isn't just for you - it's your baby's only birthday.

One of my kids told me (you may have heard it somewhere too) that if you repeat the same thing over and over, you will get the same result over and over.

The same goes for birth:
If you were uneducated last time, get educated.
If you were out of shape last time, get in shape.
If you ate a lot of junk last time, get healthier food.
If you were hurt emotionally, physically, mentally last time, get healed.

So you get the idea.  You agree.  
Where do you start?

1. You must swear off the drama.  Don't fall into the drama-trap.  Birth is not a crisis.  You are not sick.  When you look at this process truthfully, you will find that there is no reason for fear and drama, and that will only make you vulnerable to deception.
2. Next, I would sit down with a cup of raspberry leaf tea and a lovely book that will encourage you while educating you: "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin (a birthy, hippy hero of mine)  In this book you will find healthy, happy, normal birth stories.  Read it!
3. Get shopping for a doula.  Find one who has excellent training, current certification credentials, and lots of experience.  Don't settle for the lowest price.  This is your baby's birth.  If you want care that will change your experience for the better, don't be a cheapskate.
4. Start eating right and exercising immediately.  Drinking lots of fluids and eating loads of protein every day is of utmost importance.  Those are your top priority.  Your prenatal vitamin cannot make up for a poor diet.

If you have issues still rising in your mind about your previous birth(s), please talk to someone about it.  Residual anxiety can have a heavy impact on how your next labor will go.  One way to work through those feelings is to use your 5 senses.  Explore each sense and ask yourself questions about it.  Often when we experience trauma we don't always store it with words.  Sometimes we store memories of them in the form of sensations.  Those sensations need to be tapped into and cleared away - you don't want them to pop up and surprise you when you're in labor!

If you're in the San Antonio area, consider taking a class to help you prepare.  Tranquil Seasons offers classes monthly on a variety of topics.  Check out the list and see if any draw you.
You can find the list on the website: Doulas and Childbirth Education in San Antonio

If you're not in San Antonio, I can get you into our private, online birth mentoring program.
Just ask me!
210-548-8800

Blessings,
Anne Croudace

Mommy Guilt

Dear Mothers,

You are not bad, defunct, broken, ignorant or unnecessary!

You are good, selfless, strong, intuitive, gentle and NEEDED!

I wish I could write a letter to all expecting mothers.  A letter they would read, and believe, and base their self-worth on.  If only all mothers knew how important they are.  If only they grasped their innate wisdom and trusted themselves more than the forums on the most frequented websites.  If only they really stood in their strength and walked tall in their ability.

Imagine what a beautiful, cheered up, gentle-ways world we would live in, if mothers were given their power back...

I found this fun and inspiring website and it reminded me about the common phenomena of "Mommy Guilt"  Please check out her article: http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/?body= http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/

and share with your mommy friends who need to be empowered and encouraged.  :)

Use this icon above for your Facebook profile image, to show your support for all the birthing mamas out there who need to know birth DOES matter and they are not crazy for wanting the best experience possible for their little ones and themselves.

Start the new year out with a promise to yourself, to make a change.

Love,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com 
http://www.maternitywise.com

Sneaky Psychology of Birth Expectations - Part 2 Setting a Solid Foundation

Continuing on the thread of messing with moms' minds as part of the profit-driven practitioner...

Have you ever been told at your 37/38/39 week prenatal, during a vaginal exam, that you're ___cm and ___% effaced and "baby is really low"?

Was it followed with, "I doubt you'll make it through the weekend"...?

It seems like that was the previous trend (before the unfavorable cervix shenanigans began) that OBs and even midwives were using to build an expectation in mothers' and partners' minds.  Again, education is the key to overcoming this silly gullibility before birth and the depression due to regret that comes afterward.

Put yourself in the profit-driven practitioner's shoes.
What happens is this: As a profit-driven practitioner, you tell a woman what you're "expecting" and since you're the professional, so she expects it too.  Mother tells all her friends and family members that she's bound to go into labor before the weekend.  She builds it up in her mind.  She finishes the nesting, packs her bags, over-analyzes her cravings, her sleep, her poop, her aches, pains and everything her body does.  Poor thing gets all excited.  Day after day she wakes up, and expects that today will be the day.  Then it doesn't happen - because she and her baby are not ready, but your prediction has effectively poisoned the waters.

Imagine how she feels...  A strange combination of disability, failure, impotence, embarrassment, even shame.  She wonders what is wrong with her (but doesn't question what was wrong with the prediction, because her heart is tender and vulnerably focused inward, as it should be).  Another week passes and her anxiety increases.

Her family and friends are sharing this unrealistic expectation and start pressuring: "What's wrong?"  "Haven't you had that baby yet?"  "This happened to _____ and she had to have a cesarean because her body just wouldn't go into labor."

Half of the work of a profit-driven practitioner is done for him/her already!  
Guess who is now primed and ready to sign up for that induction...
and worse, the scheduled cesarean, which is allowable after 37 weeks for very little reason - if any.  All that needs to be done now, is to give it an official diagnosis:  Failure to progress, Unfavorable cervix, Low amniotic fluid, YOU NAME IT, we can put a labor on it.  :)

Remember how I mentioned the depression due to regret earlier?  These are the moms whose babies end up in the NICU, whose deeply desired breastfeeding is ruined, whose baby struggles in their first weeks and months to thrive and grow, because they are so sleepy, jaundice, allergic to formula.

I just want moms to stop signing up for the snowball effect with their eyes closed.  I want them to be educated about the process of birth.  I want them to know how their bodies REALLY work and that they were built for this process.  I want them to understand that their mind is where the battle really is - not their bodies.  And if they can trust themselves to give birth the way they trust themselves to do anything else, they will give birth when their baby says they are ready, and they will have a healthy, alert, good eater and good sleeper in their arms upon delivery.

The USA has a profit driven health care system.  If you want to make lots of money, this would be a great industry to get into.  That is, until individuals begin to take responsibility for their own health and begin to question what is being recommended to them.  At some point, the insurance industry is going to fall apart because the public cannot afford to pay and the industry itself cannot sustain the abuse it's been funding for decades.

Most of all, I think we as women need to get back to the way we've cared for the health of our families for millennia - and that is to educate ourselves but follow our intuition.  Why have we replaced intuition and good sense with beeps and pills?

Your children depend on your good sense and intuition for all other areas of their lives and well-being.  Don't let them down on the day they arrive earth-side.

To learn more, to be mentored, or to take online interactive childbirth classes, please give me a call and I will be happy to direct you to some fantastic resources.

May this new year be the year you start asking questions and taking charge of your own health and the health of your family.  You deserve to have respectful, honest caregivers and so do your children.

Warmly,
Anne Croudace
952-457-6506
http://www.maternitywise.com

Sneaky Psychology of Birth Expectations - Part 1 The Latest

Education is very important.  The understanding of how labor works, how your cervix and uterus operate and what really exists in the large range of normal...  IS HUGELY IMPORTANT.

If you don't know these things, these basic, simple things, you can easily be lied to.  I can't tell you enough how important it is for women of childbearing age to be educated on pregnancy and childbirth.  Junior High health class is just not good enough!

It's important because there are practitioners out there who are charismatic, and good at manipulating.  They have fantastic bedside manner and very fat wallets.  I hate to even have to say that.  There are lots of great OBs and midwives caring for women with ethical, respectful philosophies.  There are honest caregivers practicing out there who feel equal disgust when hearing about the latest butcher shop tactics.  But just like there are weeds growing in every beautiful garden, so there are evils among the most sacred or professions - maternity caregivers come in all colors.

Speaking with an OBGYN friend of mine a few months ago, he explained that it's not profitable to take medicaid patients, but he does it anyway, because his neighboring OB across the road was taking them and signing 85-90% up for what he is touting as necessary cesareans (no exaggeration).  My friend believes women do better birthing with support and without interference, and wanted women to have a choice, particularly the more vulnerable, and often less educated immigrant Medicaid population that were buying into Dr. Surgery's smooth tactics across the street...

So we started offering free and low-cost childbirth preparation classes to Medicaid and Military patients.  We wanted to be part of the solution.  We wanted to give mothers a real opportunity to make sound decisions and without "hospital indoctrination" as it can be at times.

We assumed of course, the lower income mothers might not know better.  They cannot afford childbirth preparation classes and many of those in our richly diverse city don't speak or read english well.  It seemed logical to expect that kind of scenario happened in "that part of town".  Right?  I thought so too.

Until recently...  I have heard several affluent, (and what I would consider educated) moms tell me that they "had to schedule a cesarean" due to having an "unfavorable cervix" at or near their ESTIMATED due date.  These mothers went on to explain that they were told at 38, 37, and even 36 weeks that their cervix was not favorable, was posterior, and/or was too tightly closed to be able to deliver vaginally.  Yes, long before their due date with baby #1; and they did not know any better than to believe their doctors who told them with sad faces that they were disappointed right along with them that they couldn't deliver the way they wanted (vaginally) and that this sometimes happens to moms and cannot be avoided (extending sympathy, even soliciting empathy for their own position as the doctor).

As a woman, wouldn't you feel horrible if you were told your womanly parts didn't work?  Especially if you deep down believed it weren't true, but you had no way of convincing those you perceive to be "in authority" over your health/experience?  There's a deep, even subconscious humiliation and self-worth destruction that takes root in a woman when her pregnancy or birth dreams are thwarted or her ability is deemed to be invalid in the process.  This is not to mention the subconscious mistrust that is planted into the mind of the partner.  If her body "can't be trusted" to grow a baby safely, or birth a baby safely, how can it nourish a baby or how can she be trusted to care for the baby alone?

An example of the manipulation: One mom was told that she "didn't do anything wrong" (insinuating she should feel that she had) but that with "her type of cervix", even induction would fail.  Preying on her disappointment and feeling of being taken off-guard, Dr. Sneaky Mistruth pretended to be devastated with her, and nearly solicited sympathy for himself, acting as if because of her body's malfunction, he was being forced to perform surgery on her.  Talk about manipulation!

News Flash:
The cervix sometimes does not soften or open until the day labor commences.  Sometimes due to baby's position or other reasons which can change suddenly, the cervix light stay posterior until labor starts.  And reminder: on average, healthy outcomes for mom and baby in first time moms - delivery date was 41.5 weeks - when no induction methods were employed.

41.5 weeks!  
First time moms!  

So, technically, following that average, a 37 week scheduled cesarean would give you a 1 full month premature baby.

What boggles my mind is not the bad advice to moms.  It's not the "your cervix is unfavorable" which would indicate to me that the practitioner is simply lacking accurate knowledge and could/should be enlightened. No, the thing that really stops me in my tracks is the emotional manipulation of the mother, saying things like "I'm disappointed right along with you" and "I wish you could have the birth you want, but" and "this happens to a lot of moms, and it's not your fault"  WOW!  What a mind-job.

Click here for the Part 2 of this series on Sneaky Psychology of Birth Expectations.

Meanwhile, if you're interested in classes, mentoring or just learning more...  visit our agency website: Local San Antonio Doulas

or call me for the latest info

Warm Blessings,
Anne Croudace
952-457-6506

How nice! Massage in Labor...

Did you know....?
Massage benefits laboring moms in a lot of ways!

When was the last time you had a massage? It may have been a professional massage at a spa or it could have just been a quick backrub from your honey, but didn’t it feel good?

According to research, massages can actually assist mothers to labor faster and more comfortably. Even a quick and simple massage can do wonders for decreasing a mother’s anxiety and pain. 
Just check out the findings from this study:
“Twenty-eight women were recruited from prenatal classes and randomly assigned to receive massage in addition to coaching in breathing during labor, or to receive coaching in breathing alone. The massaged mothers reported a decrease in depressed mood, anxiety and pain, and showed less agitated activity and anxiety and more positive affect following the first massage during labor. In addition the massaged mothers had shorter labors, a shorter hospital stay and less postpartum depression.” (1)

During labor, sometimes the focus can all be put on having the mother breath and push. Without a relaxed body, however, focusing all energy (emotional and physical) on these important tasks becomes difficult for mom. Having nurturing support she can trust and feel safe with is important.  Massage facilitates this.

That’s where a well-trained, certified, professional Doula comes in. Having a doula there who knows how to massage and comfort a mother with touch throughout the labor process means that mom can receive that much-needed massage any time she needs it! Find a doula who is certified and specifically trained in maternal-fetal positioning, and the best techniques for helping mom relax her muscles. A massage during labor (whether from Dad or Doula) also allows the mother to breathe easier and keep her rhythm. The results? A less-stressed, less-depressed mom and a shorter labor process and hospital stay. 

Who can say no to that? 


Resources:
(1) Field, T., Hernandez-Reif, M., Taylor , S., Quintino, O., & Burman, I. (1997). 
Labor pain is reduced by massage therapy. Journal of Psychosomatic Obstetrics and 
Gynecology, 18, 286-291.

What is a Labor Doula?

Labor Doulas

A Certified Labor Doula is an assistant or coach, who provides various forms of non-medical support (physical, informational and emotional) during pregnancy and in the childbirth process.  She may attend a home birth or might support the mother and her partner during labor at home and continue while in transport and then remain with the mother until settled after the birth at a hospital or a birth center.  Tranquil Seasons only hires Certified Doulas.  We always require doulas, previously certified or not, to go through our training, because the standard of the organization we use for labor doula certification is head and shoulders above any of the others we have seen out there.

During delivery, doulas are in constant, close proximity to the mother at all times. They can provide comfort with pain relief techniques, such as breathing, relaxing, massage and laboring positions. Doulas also encourage participation from the partner and offer reassurance.  A doula acts as an advocate for the mother, encouraging her in her desires for her birth.  Tranquil Seasons are also trained in-depth on maternal fetal positioning.  This is a specialized skill that helps promote the swifter, easier and more comfortable dilation of the cervix and more efficient descent of the baby.

The goal of a doula is to adapt to and support the mother’s philosophy and help her to have a positive and safe birth experience, whether the mother wants an un-medicated birth or is having a planned cesarean birth. 

The doula is the ONLY one outside of family, who is hired by and there specifically for the mother, and has no conflicts of interest such as employment by the physician/midwife/hospital or any other reason for bias.

After the birth, Tranquil Seasons Doulas will spend as much time as needed helping mothers begin the breastfeeding process and encouraging bonding between the new baby and family members.  Our jobs are not done just because the baby has arrived!  :)

Hiring a Certified Labor Doula will decrease your chances of cesarean. Tranquil Seasons owner Anne Croudace, has cared for over 270 families.  Out of all the births she has attended, only 3 ended in an unplanned (though very necessary) cesareans. That's a pretty encouraging statistic. While she cannot make you any guarantees, you have more than a good chance of avoiding a surgical birth when you've got Anne or one of the doulas she has trained, by your side.

Call for more info:
210-548-8800
or visit our website:
http://www.tranquilseasons.com

Sample Birth Plan

Look into your options...
Here is a sample, offered by one of our clients to give other moms a good starting point.

Feel free to use wording from it, or even copy and paste.  If you have questions about any of the preferences listed, please let me know and I will be glad to explain the family's intent as well as further resources regarding each item.

Remember, your birth plan should be 1 page long and include a categorized list of your wishes and preferences in each stage of your childbirth experience.

 

Birth Plan

Labor:

·         I would like my husband, Jason, and doula, Anne, to stay with me at all times.

·         I request that pain medication NOT be offered to me; if I decide to use pain medications, I will request them.

·         In the event of labor augmentation, I would like to try alternate methods prior to use of Pitocin.

·         I prefer no IV fluids unless I am dehydrated such that juices, electrolyte water, and other drinks do not properly hydrate me.

Pushing:

·         I request the freedom to choose various pushing and delivery positions; to include squatting, hands & knees, or whatever may feel right at the time.

·         I ask that no episiotomy be performed; I would like warm compresses and perineal massage prior to delivery.

·         When it is time to push, I’d like to be allowed to progress free of stringent time limits as long as my baby and I are doing fine.

 

Immediately Postpartum:

·         I request that the umbilical cord not be clamped, or even touched until it is white and limp. I request to be allowed to naturally deliver the placenta; I request to have the placenta stored safely and unaltered so that we may take the placenta home for encapsulation.

·         I request that the immediate care of my baby be done on my abdomen or chest with skin-to-skin contact for as long as possible.

·         I plan to exclusively breastfeed and request that no supplements or pacifiers be given. If my baby needs to be fed by bottle or other means, I would like to pump my breasts and provide breast milk throughout the hospital stay.

Newborn:

·         I ask that all newborn care be done in my room.

·         If my baby requires special nursery care, I request access to him at any time.

Special Circumstances:

·         If the above ideals must be altered for medical necessity, I ask that we be given as much time as safely possible to consider all our options before procedures are done.

·         In the event of a cesarean delivery, I would like my partner and doula with me.

·         If cesarean is necessary, I would like contact with my baby as soon as possible and during recovery.

·         In the event of a stillbirth or death of my baby, I would like contact with him as long as desired afterwards.