Giving Birth Again

You gave birth.  It didn't go the way you expected, the way you planned, the way you wanted...

Now you find yourself pregnant again and you're a little scared.  Maybe you're really, really scared.
What can you do to make sure that things go better this time?
Did you stuff the trauma you experienced deep down, not realizing it would surface (ever)?
Now you've got a toddler, and your pregnant and there's a lot of emotional work you need to do, but really don't have time or energy for it.  You're not that mom.  You want better and you will find a way.
 Why? 
Because your birth experience isn't just for you - it's your baby's only birthday.

One of my kids told me (you may have heard it somewhere too) that if you repeat the same thing over and over, you will get the same result over and over.

The same goes for birth:
If you were uneducated last time, get educated.
If you were out of shape last time, get in shape.
If you ate a lot of junk last time, get healthier food.
If you were hurt emotionally, physically, mentally last time, get healed.

So you get the idea.  You agree.  
Where do you start?

1. You must swear off the drama.  Don't fall into the drama-trap.  Birth is not a crisis.  You are not sick.  When you look at this process truthfully, you will find that there is no reason for fear and drama, and that will only make you vulnerable to deception.
2. Next, I would sit down with a cup of raspberry leaf tea and a lovely book that will encourage you while educating you: "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin (a birthy, hippy hero of mine)  In this book you will find healthy, happy, normal birth stories.  Read it!
3. Get shopping for a doula.  Find one who has excellent training, current certification credentials, and lots of experience.  Don't settle for the lowest price.  This is your baby's birth.  If you want care that will change your experience for the better, don't be a cheapskate.
4. Start eating right and exercising immediately.  Drinking lots of fluids and eating loads of protein every day is of utmost importance.  Those are your top priority.  Your prenatal vitamin cannot make up for a poor diet.

If you have issues still rising in your mind about your previous birth(s), please talk to someone about it.  Residual anxiety can have a heavy impact on how your next labor will go.  One way to work through those feelings is to use your 5 senses.  Explore each sense and ask yourself questions about it.  Often when we experience trauma we don't always store it with words.  Sometimes we store memories of them in the form of sensations.  Those sensations need to be tapped into and cleared away - you don't want them to pop up and surprise you when you're in labor!

If you're in the San Antonio area, consider taking a class to help you prepare.  Tranquil Seasons offers classes monthly on a variety of topics.  Check out the list and see if any draw you.
You can find the list on the website: Doulas and Childbirth Education in San Antonio

If you're not in San Antonio, I can get you into our private, online birth mentoring program.
Just ask me!
210-548-8800

Blessings,
Anne Croudace

Mommy Guilt

Dear Mothers,

You are not bad, defunct, broken, ignorant or unnecessary!

You are good, selfless, strong, intuitive, gentle and NEEDED!

I wish I could write a letter to all expecting mothers.  A letter they would read, and believe, and base their self-worth on.  If only all mothers knew how important they are.  If only they grasped their innate wisdom and trusted themselves more than the forums on the most frequented websites.  If only they really stood in their strength and walked tall in their ability.

Imagine what a beautiful, cheered up, gentle-ways world we would live in, if mothers were given their power back...

I found this fun and inspiring website and it reminded me about the common phenomena of "Mommy Guilt"  Please check out her article: http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/?body= http://theglamoroushousewife.com/2014/03/motherhood-cult-guilt/

and share with your mommy friends who need to be empowered and encouraged.  :)

Use this icon above for your Facebook profile image, to show your support for all the birthing mamas out there who need to know birth DOES matter and they are not crazy for wanting the best experience possible for their little ones and themselves.

Start the new year out with a promise to yourself, to make a change.

Love,
Anne
http://www.tranquilseasons.com 
http://www.maternitywise.com

Historical Doula

Couldn't have said it better myself:

"Having someone by your side during the marathon we call childbirth is not only helpful, but it's historical.
What do we mean by that?

 

Well, for as far back as there are birth stories to be told, you will hear about women attended by other women, supported, encouraged, and often times physically held by the strong arms of this wise, nurturing companion.

Doulas are nothing new, but they have found a name for themselves in the Greek. To be simple, it means servant. With a humble heart, these precious women patiently wait with the mother while actively assisting her to labor more quickly, easily, and safely. Doulas provide information, reassurance, positioning and pain relief without the use of drugs."
Thanks, MaternityWise International, for that!!

To get more familiar with doulas, please read my other blog posts.
If you feel an urge to become a doula yourself, feel free to send me an email and ask some questions about the process.
You can also find more here:
http://www.maternitywise.com

 

Who is Anne Doula - Part 2

Part 2:
Finally, Anne Doula is a woman who is on a mission to challenge the ideas about what doulas are... When you walk down the street and see a pregnant woman, do you automatically offer her a drink of water? How about when you're in a store and you hear a newborn crying and the mother looks haggard. Do you have to refrain yourself from going over, picking up the baby and saying, here, I'll help you get through the last items on your list....?

A doula is a servant. We wake up thinking about how to take care of people and we go to bed exhausted every night, with a smile on our face knowing we gave every last drop of ourselves to those around us. We are love in action. We nurture. We help, we feed, we carry, we DO love.

If you're thinking about becoming a doula, consider an organization that we feel is the very top notch education and certification program: MaternityWise International http://www.maternitywise.com
They have a standardized curriculum, so your training will be as comprehensive as everyone else's. it's a stepping stone / midwifery prep program. The pricing is reasonable and the staff is flexible and friendly. The organization is owned by it's members and therefore you will not have anyone micromanaging your personal doula company, telling you what you can and can't say and do. They also teach how to start and build your birth business. From real life, successful doulas. There just simply isn't an organization like this out there.

Are you feeling led to become a doula? My aunt once told me that it was my "calling" to assist pregnant and birthing women. I wondered what that meant. Now I'm living it.

I have this cute little book that my kindegarten teacher Mrs. Baumgartner made waaaaay back when... It was a self-portrait on each page of all her students, and on a page in the back, she listed all our names and what we wanted to be when we grew up. Many children put president, or firefighter, or doctor or astronaut. After my name was 3!! ha ha She listed that I wanted to be a "Mommy, a teacher and a nurse."

As a doula, in a sense, I am kind of playing all 3 roles. Doulas mother the mother, and teach her how to love her baby and care for herself. She also has a knowledge of medical, anatomical and physiological processes involving the pregnant, birthing and postpartum mother as well as fetal and newborn internal mechanics.

It's so important, for the families we serve, to get a well-rounded education and complete a credentialing process from an internationally certifying body. You can help set the standard. You can be one of those special women who assit mothers to get the care they need, even when they cannot afford it. You can be the change in the birthing world. One of the ways you can do that, is to be pro-active in education.

We need more top-level skilled doulas in the world, to keep making a difference!!! So what's stopping you from getting certified? Start your program today! You are worth it, and the families you will serve in the future will be so grateful you took this step.

-Anne

Who is Anne Doula? (Part 1)

Client:  "Hey Grandma, come meet Anne.  She's my doula!"

Client's Grandmother:  "Hello Anne Doula.  That is a curious last name.  Is it French?"

hahahahaha
and so I became Anne Doula.

Doula is actually a Greek word.  It's used in the Bible when describing Jesus, as He washed his disciples' feet.  He took on the form of a "Doulos" or male servant.

Doula generally referred to the woman servant, who helped the mother of the household with pregnancy, birth and childrearing in the early years.  She was a hand-maiden, a personal assistant, a second mama, a close friend, confidant, and often she was also a wet-nurse.

These days, there are women who call themselves doulas, yet have no training, or even any idea that doula = servant.  They hear the term, want to attend births cause it sounds exciting, and then off they go, calling themselves a doula...  hmmmmm.....  not cool.

Why is it not cool?  Well, for several very good, very important reasons: 

1. Mothers hear about doulas in the media, or from books about pregnancy, and they kind of have an expectation of what sort of value and skill-set a doula will bring to their experience.  If all doulas are on different levels as far as education and philosophy, how can mothers know who to choose, what is a reasonable amount to pay, what to expect, etc.?
2. Birth isn't always easy, fast, or safe.  Don't get me wrong, I birthed my last 2 of 5 babies at home, and one arrived before the midwife, so I'm probably what you'd call a "Birth-Truster" and I believe that birth is normally safe, and that interference and intervention is normally risky.  However, we do know how bad information can lead to bad choices which can lead to bad outcomes.  This is a HUGE reason why doulas - who give advice and help mothers to educate themselves - need to know their role, when to refer moms to a specific professional, and what is a silly trend and what is serious medicine.  Untrained, uncertified women who call themselves doulas are not qualified, and often do not know or understand the bounds of what their role entails as a complementary care provider.  Because of this, you often find they lack the information parents really need, and sadly, they also lack the ethical standards as well.
3. Unfortunately, women who feel they don't need training, or are above attaining a certification, are many times, the same women who have their own birth trauma or other serious personal issues to deal with.  I was just speaking to a dad yesterday, who said he had interviewed half a dozen doulas in our city, and each one revealed through their philosophy, personal stories, or unsolicited advice their own resentment toward a doctor or nurse during their own experiences.
4. Women who claim to be "trained" but cannot provide you with their credentials are basically women who are shortcutting the system.  They took a workshop, but they didn't have the integrity to complete the rest of their training.  In my opinion, they should not be calling themselves "trained" simply because they did not complete the entire "training process".  Parents are getting savvy to this however, and more and more families are turning down doulas who don't have those coveted letters after their name or a certification award to prove they completed a course to become a true doula.
5. When a woman cannot afford doula care, there are a few states where it is mandated for insurance companies to reimburse a portion of their care expenses.  Why would insurance companies want to reimburse for care that has no value to them?  Saving them money is how doulas look good to the insurance company.  How would having a doula save them money?  By lowering the cesarean risk, for starters.  So it's important that certified doulas continue to seek out insurance reimbursement.  That, and the fact that mothers who want doula care, but cannot afford it will be more likely to receive that care including better outcomes for themselves and their babies, if insurance companies were on board with paying a portion of that expense.  Some states like Minnesota and Pennsylvania already do.
6. The last and perhaps most upsetting reason (to me) of why it's not cool that women take on the title "Doula" without completing a certification process is that is blows the stats of good doulas out of whack.  For example, the Cochrane report from the 1990's showed that having a doula by your side reduced the rate of cesarean by almost half.  In the late 2000's, after being a doula became trendy, that rate in another Cochrane review showed that the stat was now hovering around 25%  Why?  Because women who are not properly trained are out there practicing and mothers are not getting the benefit of having a skilled woman by their side.  Those numbers, by the way, tell me that having an uncertified doula means your rates of cesarean is no different that those of the general public without a doula.

Part 2 coming soon............

Becoming a Doula-Minded Birth Advocate

Many years ago, I was holding hands of friends in labor, and walking the halls with newborns so mothers could sleep.  I was changing diapers of babies with RSV and cuddling moms who cried over their birth stories. 

I gave birth to my first baby at age 17.  I didn't know anything.  I never had any idea that someone might think I wouldn't succeed at delivering vaginally.  I didn't know the cesarean statistic or that women still gave birth at home.  No one ever bothered to tell me that my breasts would fill with milk, whether or not I chose to breastfeed.  I didn't wonder how I would ever push a baby out or if I could manage the discomforts of labor.  Nor did I think about whether I wanted drugs or not for pain.  I honestly did not have a clue they were even an option.  I just figured you had a baby and that was that.  There was so much I was ignorant of.

There was so much I didn't know, that I had no time or inclination or reason to question the natural processes my body went through.  I didn't question my weight gain.  Never thought about how much amniotic fluid I had or if I might catch the flu.  I went on my way, carrying my baby and eating, eating, eating, dancing and walking and enjoying every kick and flutter.  Can you imagine a pregnancy like that nowadays?  That was only 1992/1993.  Not really that long ago.  Over the last 20 years, what has happened in our society, in our medical care system, in our circles of friends and family that has turned the perception of birth into such a frantic, frightening, and frustrating scenario?

Ask yourself these questions: 

• When I've heard about birth, what was a main theme in each story? 
• Did I feel fear upon hearing the story? 
• What has shaped my ideas about birth?  Mother? Aunts? Sisters? the Media?
• When I've spoke of birth, what has been the tone and intention of my story? 
• Have I told a Hollywood version of my experience, looking for the oohs and awws or have I told the boring details right along side the exciting ones? 
• Have I been truly, completely honest when talking about my birth with people?

Consider your answers and consider also what part you've played in influencing the women and girls around you and their perception of birth.  Perhaps you've built healthy ideals, or perhaps you are now recognizing that you can do better.

I'm interested to hear how you might make some changes in your own birth-speak, or how you feel we can better affirm our societies' positive ideas on birth.

-Anne